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US defence spending through the use of biscuits.
I find it staggering that a tiny fraction of the US's nuclear weapons budget could transform their education system. Or give them a lot of biscuits. Both would be great!
Yesterday, I served Pulp frontman Jarvis Cocker at the clubhouse. This increases our celebrity quotient by one, adding to Peter Beardsley and Doncaster Rovers FC. I'm still holding out for Michael Winner to turn up so I can violate the fat fuck's meal.
Someone actually opened up a restaurant themed around Adolf Hitler. Something tells me they won't be providing kosher food. Plus, shouldn't it be a vegetarian restaurant?
They only get frightened of Asian men with beards.
The extraordinary scenes happened after some of the 150 passengers on a Malaga-Manchester flight overheard two men of Asian appearance apparently talking Arabic.
People in "speaking with their own language" shocker.
Two British women with young children on another flight from Spain complained about flying with a bearded Muslim even though he had been security-checked twice before boarding.
Incredible. Mind you, it is important to note that the plane was flying from Malaga to Manchester. This key piece of information leads me to believe that it was entirely likely that the plane was full of fucking morons.
It coiuldn't possibly have worked. The internet hype wouldn't have held up, the reshot scenes wouldn't add anything to the film, and Samuel L Jackson would be the only thing which would stop the film from being bargain bin material. But, against all odds, Snakes On A Plane is one of the most enjoyable films of the year. It's got the monsterism of Jaws, the increasingly amusing deaths of Final Destination and the totally straight faced lunacy of Commando. The only thing I disagree with is the awful emo music video at the end, but that doesn't count.
I know there's been a lot of furore over so called "Doctor Death" types, but this is just ridiculous:
"I feel that once he recovers and understands what he has done he should commit suicide."
Talk about lazy. If you think the guy should be dead, you've probably got shitloads of morphine somewhere in the hospital. Do the job yourself!
Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has a blog. It doesn't really need to be translated - you just know every single entry's going to just be "ISRAEL, LOL".
Speaking of grasping goons with blogs, this is my hundredth post so far. Terrifying.
The PC as we know it celebrates its 25 year anniversary today. It's really marvelous to think how much our lives have changed now that computers have become so widespread. We now don't have to go to railway sidings to find discarded porn magazines, for one.
Norway has been invaded by giant enemy crabs. I'm convinced this has to be some kind of prank from Sony's press office. I fully expect a follow up story about how the crabs have been repelled by flipping them over and attacking their weak spots for massive damage.
You know those times when you just wonder how some people made it through childhood without falling under a bus? This is one of those times. Some dude from Colorado who's running for Congress in the US reckons the way to solve the problem of fundamentalist Islam in the Middle East should be tackled with mass conversions to fundamentalist Christianity. Let's look at the flaws in that theory.
A. This kind of stuff doesn't usually work out.
B. A lot of problems in the Middle East have been caused by fundamentalist Christians. Specifically, this one and this one.
C. Fundamentalism of any kind is a bag of shit which only leads to people being uncool to each other.
Hence, I put forward my own solution to the problem. That guy from Colorado and his cohorts will immediately leave for a meeting with their counterparts from the Middle East. The meeting will be held in a purpose built compound, complete with CCTV cameras covering the entire area. Once everyone's inside, the gates will be locked. The victi... attendees will be told the location of weapons caches inside the compound, and will have 72 hours to prove their point by using pointy things. The proceedings will be televised. Hopefully both sides will annihilate each other, but in the event of one side winning, a herd of wild bison will be released into the compound to finish the job.
Apparently the fun's over for chavs on tiny bikes. Home Secretary John Reid has said he wants mini-motos to be crushed. I think that's a ludicrous idea. For one, clowns would be left without an integral part of their act. Furthermore, we wouldn't be able to help people weed out the gene pool with incidents like this.
Basically, I just don't like John Reid. I get the feeling that I would be against him even if he came up with a cure for AIDS. He'd be up to something devious.