By the beard of Blunkett, that was one fast year. My favourite moments included losing a stone in weight about a week after I finished University (Thanks a lot, stupid metabolism), graduating from said University and looking like a total tit in my gown/robe/dress/thing, seeing my favourite band twice, amassing a worryingly large comic book collection, amassing a worryingly large Nintendo collection, amassing a worryingly large World of Warcraft item collection, and being told by my best friend's girlfriend that if I hadn't introduced her to him, she'd be going out with me now. But enough about my beautiful disaster of a life; it's pithy comments about world events that you come here for. All six of you. So here's my worn-out run-down of the year's biggest events.

It's A Mad, Mad, Mad, Maddy World
My favourite kind of hysteria is the kind involving children. Apparently the nation loses all control of sanity and logic when something happens to an under-twelve. The only thing more baffling than why the public has spent half a year gibbering and wailing over one missing child when dozens disappear every day is why no-one suspected her killers parents from the off.

al-Qaeda's Amateur Hour
Not one, but two failed terrorist attacks, and the only casualties were the terrorists themselves. If I didn't know better, I'd think the whole thing was rigged by Rupert Murdoch for a new line of reality shows on Sky - sort of post-modern version of You've Been Framed, only instead of sending in home video of grandparents falling over, you get footage of terrorists burning to death in their own cars, taken on a camera phone.

The Year's Finest Trailer
Ohohohohoho yes. I've been waiting for over ten years for this to happen.

Happy New Year, you disgusting monsters.